D wrote to me about his feelings, fantasies and confusion surrounding sucking his best friend’s cock. And surprisingly I get A LOT of emails asking about this which is why I chose to address it here instead of just returning his email.
The idea of wanting to suck your best friend’s cock originates from your sexual submissive side. It has nothing to do with being gay or straight as I pointed out in my article Does Sucking Cock Make Me Gay. Most straight males wonder what it would be like to suck another guy’s cock. And even if you acted out on it, that still wouldn’t mean you’re gay. You can even get fucked by another male and maintain your hetero status.
Ok I hear you boys out there screaming, “Fuck off, you can’t suck a dick or even worse, get fucked by another guy and not be gay.” Not true, it depends on the context of the sexual act. If you lie awake at night and dream of walking hand-in-hand along a beautiful shoreline at sunset with some dude then yeah you’re gay. However for most straight men that has nothing to do with it. It has to do with the cock not the guy who’s wagging it and THAT comes from your submissive side not a gay side.
When I question men who are conflicted with this issue that’s the first thing I ask them, “Do you dream of being with a man 24/7, cooking his meals and playing house?” Nine out of ten times the answer is no. But when you probe further (like what I did there?) and ask them what they enjoy in porn you’ll find that YES, it’ll be gay porn BUT they aren’t focusing on the guy in the photo/clip/film, it’s the cock and that’s what sets the two apart.
Sexually submissive males dream about sucking cock because they want to submit to the cock not necessarily the man behind it. To a man, submitting to another male is the ultimate taboo because we raise all our males to be alpha even though the majority are not. So it’s not uncommon for a straight, married male to want to suck a dick. As a matter of fact it’s QUITE COMMON.
So you get why you have these thoughts but where the hell does your best friend/roommate/college buddy/insert bestie profile here, fit in to this? Why does he constantly make number one on the top ten list of whose dick you want to suck? That one’s easy. Because you’re comfy with him, he’s your buddy. You trust him. There is a modicum of safety that comes from someone you know that well. You can trust that he’s not likely to go telling everyone that you sucked his dick but even more so, if you’re “best friend” close, there’s an intimacy level that comes with that title. And let’s face it, when many men were pre-adolescent they explored sexuality with their friends, and thus the circle jerk was born.
It is my personal opinion based on decades of observation that the majority of human beings are bi-sexual (speaking on the generalized gay-straight-bi spectrum). All of sexuality and its components are on a sliding scale. My point being, given the right circumstances, atmosphere, and people, most folks will slide to the other side but you generally feel one way or the other the majority of the time which is what you identify with.
So instead of beating yourself up thinking you’re losing your mind you could always bring it up with your friend and ask if he’s ever thought the same thing. Worst he says is no and you drop it. But I can almost guarantee he’s thought of it too and would be more than happy to fulfill both of your fantasies.
And to answer your next question… what if I like it? You probably will. There. So you do it again. So what? It’s okay to enjoy sex. It’s okay to enjoy it the way YOU like it. And no one knows unless you tell them anyway. I mean isn’t enjoying what you do sexually the whole point of sex besides procreation? So stop worrying so much. Relax and chat with your buddy if you want but don’t drive yourself crazy over something that is as common as blowing your nose, (you thought I was gonna say dick, didn’t ya?) but because we don’t sit around over a pumpkin spice latte discussing it, that’s what makes it weird.
What do you think? Sound of in the comments below.
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I am glad I came across this article. I am heterosexual man been married for 31 years. Around age 51 I joined a local gym not long after a close friend joined too. We started to work out 3 times a week my friend is 16 years younger than me 35 years old and Married like myself. Anyway there was a day we both worked out hard and got very sweaty so we showered at the gym until that point we changed in front of each other but I never really looked at him naked until the time he was about 2 feet away from me in the shower I looked down and I was impressed with his penis it was longer than mine and much thicker. I tried not to be obvious about it.
Later that evening I had sex with my wife however I kept thinking about earlier that day in the shower and I noticed I was extremely turned on thinking about it.
Fast forward six months I worked up the courage to tell my wife about it. At first I mentioned seeing his penis and it was impressive. Then I slowly introduced dirty talking into our bedroom and idea of her sucking his penis while we were having sex. Slowly it went from her to both of us sucking his penis and the sex was amazing until one day she told me that she wasn’t turned on with the thought of sucking his penis but loves the thought of watching me suck his penis and she reassured me it was okay For a little more than a year a lot of our sex including the fantasy of me sucking thick penis.
Dr Sue you are correct not once has my fantasy included my friend only his penis
I’ve always been sexually submissive. I had to hide it sadly from girlfriends. We all know how it would go over in society. I’ve searched for dominant girlfiends on websites but that’s been an absolute mess.
I’ve also fantasized about sucking cock and bottoming since being a teen. No attraction whatsoever to men. Would never date, kiss a man. I agree it’s all about being submissive. They come and goes these feelings. And every 2 months when they are in season I fantasize and cum harder and faster than any hetero fantasy. It’s never with friends though, blah. It’s kind of faceless men with beautiful cocks. I can’t say I’m 100% straight. I must be a bit bi-sexual and that’s okay. I do chat with a dominant man who is more than willing to have me submit to him. I ‘m kinda scared I’ll like it though. Any advice should I meet this guy in the future? I imagine myself driving home (He’s 300 miles away), either thinking that was amazing, completely exhilarating and happily accepting bisexuality, or what the hell have I done.